The suicide-risk signs this father wishes he knew, and wants to share
After losing his son to suicide, Bill hopes to save a life by sharing his son’s story - and the signs that he now knows were pointing to danger.
When Bill from Shoreham, NY, lost his son to suicide in 2018, he wasn't aware his son was exhibiting dangerous warning signs.
Bill's son, Vincent, was very successful, with an MBA and a high-level job at an international bank at just 30 years old. He earned more money than most people his age, owned two properties, was in a long-term relationship, and enjoyed traveling. To all who saw him from the outside, he was a guy who seemed to have it all.
Looking back, though, Bill says he had concerns about some of his son's behavior, though he never thought his son would take his own life. He now knows his concerns were common signs and warning factors for the potential of suicide.
One red flag that Bill noticed prior to Vincent's death was that his job had become all consuming. "He was just so caught up in the job," Bill said, adding he thinks his son needed to step away from the job to reduce his stress level.
“I honestly don’t think he knew he needed help.”
Bill said gay men, like Vincent, were at a higher risk of suicide, too.
A 2002 study published in the National Library of Medicine found one in five men in their sample of gay and bisexual men had attempted suicide. Overall, men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, according to the Center for Disease Control.
"Unfortunately, I learned that after losing Vincent," Bill said.
Leading up to his death, Vincent was exhibiting other warning signs, like increased alcohol use and lack of sleep.
“Vincent wasn’t sleeping, had cold sweats, was drinking too much caffeine and then alcohol at night to calm down," Bill said.
Bill's son also had a genetic link to suicide: his mother attempted suicide, and his half-sister sadly took her own life after Vincent as well.
Experts have noticed a genetic component to suicide for years. In 2021, a study published in Biological Psychiatry found that certain variations on chromosome 7 can make a person more likely to take their own life. And other mental health issues like major depression, another suicide risk factor, can be genetic as well.
“I hope in saying all this, I may save a life and the agony a parent goes through when you lose a child to suicide. You never think it’s going to come to your front door and then it happens.”
Other suicide risk factors include substance use, legal troubles, previous suicide attempts, loss of a relationship or isolation, community violence, chronic illness, bullying and childhood trauma, according to the CDC.
The center also says warning signs for the potential of suicide can be increased mood swings, expressing hopelessness, sudden isolation, talking about being a burden, talking about being in unbearable pain, increased anxiety, and trying to access lethal means.
“I’m more aware of the signs now," Bill said, adding he's also better at listening and paying attention to other people.
Bill spoke to his son the night before he took his life, and was concerned that Vincent seemed unable to imagine how he would get by if he should lose his job or decide to quit from the stress. He thought his son should see a therapist as soon as possible, but never thought he'd get the tragic news the next day.
“It’s hard to understand. He had so many options and such a bright future ahead of him," Bill said. "But that’s what happens when you're in the throes of a mental health crisis - you can’t see beyond it."
He hopes that others might take swifter, more direct action than he did when they notice a loved one is in trouble mentally.
A final gift that Vincent gave his father, as Bill describes it, was a final, typewritten letter. In it, he said he'd fooled everyone by never revealing his mental state. He also implored his father not to blame himself.
Bill describes his son as a “light to all who knew him,” and as a thoughtful person who cared about everyone. Even in his final letter, he wanted everyone in his life to know he loved them, and they were not to blame.
“I hope in saying all this, I may save a life and the agony a parent goes through when you lose a child to suicide," Bill said. "You never think it’s going to come to your front door, and then it happens.”
Check out Bill's story about the unexplained occurrences he believes are signs from his son beyond the grave here (there is a video at the bottom of this post about the mysterious occurrences as well).
If you have suicidal thoughts or believe a loved one does, the International Association for Suicide Prevention can point you to a helpline or professional to help. In the U.S., 988 is the suicide crisis hotline, which is available 24 hours per day, or text TALK to 741741. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has resources as well.
Thank you, Bill, for sharing the intimate details of your story with us.
If you would like to support this project you can become a free or paid subscriber of this Substack, or buy us a coffee at www.buymeacoffee.com/WalkingHome
Join our community!
E-mail submissions of artwork and writing for our online and printed magazine Full Circle by WalkingHome.org, or send feedback and suggestions, to info@walkinghome.org
Follow us on instagram @walking_home_together, Tik Tok @Full_Circle_Magazine and Facebook
