Opening to Joy Through Grief
Part 1 of our series on Francis Weller’s “Five Gates of Grief”
Grief is a heavy word. Those of us that have known loss have felt the black hole of grief envelop our lives, or, creep in unexpectedly. But in his book, "The Wild Edge of Sorrow," Francis Weller theorizes that grief, though painful and sometimes debilitating, is actually a gateway that can lead to greater joy and presence.
Weller calls grief a threshold emotion, a feeling we must enter into and cross over so that we may open up the rest of our lived experience.
“Grief offers a wild alchemy that transmutes suffering into fertile ground"
- Francis Weller
Carl Jung, one of the most influential psychologists of all time, had similar teachings on grief, stating that it is only through sitting with and moving through our grief that the maturation of consciousness occurs.
This grief-joy relationship seems to go along with the adage I (Jacqui) heard repeated time and again as I studied to become a death doula: “It is only when we fully acknowledge and accept death that we can truly experience life.”
We don’t have to like it, but, in essence, grief seems to be a vital nutrient for growth.
And our human lives seem to be full of it. In his book, Weller says we don’t only experience grief after the death of a loved one, though that’s the most well-known cause. Weller proposed four other catalysts that can send us into the grieving process, altogether called the Five Gates of Grief. These range from grieving all the sorrows of the world to grieving for parts of ourselves that didn’t experience love, especially when we were children.
Learning about these gates, and using them as a means to process our before-unnamed grief can truly be healing. However, we must know when we are at capacity, and need to take a step back or call in supportive allies to see us safely over the threshold.
(Read more about these gates in Part 2 of this segment, or experience them interactively and through meditation here)
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The preceding was our take on Francis Weller’s work and is intended to share - but not to prescribe. We know grief can be many things - but rarely easy - and encourage all to seek help who may feel overwhelmed while moving through these experiences. Grief is hard, because life is precious <3.
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Resources:
Francis Weller, Wild Edge of Sorrow book and website, https://www.francisweller.net/the-wild-edge-of-sorrow-the-sacred-work-of-grief.html
Francis Weller on Grief (2013), Video:
You’re Going to Die, http://www.yg2d.com (We recommend following their socials!)